I am Happy Now (a poem for my friend Jesse M.)

https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=CltAcUCEmd8I stopped
and listened
I heard something new
has it been there long?

There was once a whispering
in the wind
it had been talking to me

Another time
I thought I heard birdsong
but it was a tea-pot
the water had all
but dried-up

At night I can only sleep
with earplugs
to shut out nuances and noises;
refrigerator,
freeway,
footsteps above,
my heartbeat

And when a song’s off beat
and syncopation
catches it not
I am faint of heart
no rhythm to
catch my fall

I am still listening
now, trying to hear the words
Buddha would say, they will come
but pay them no mind

like thoughts, that are,
but,…aren’t

I thought I heard a baby cry
It was a meowing cat
fucker wouldn’t shut up
So I kicked it
Really!
I didn’t

Just the other night
when an earplug dislodged
in the middle of the night
thoughts would not leave me alone…

I couldn’t hear the noises, though
that was good
but the thoughts,
some were ingenious
I like those ones

The other day
I thought I heard a neighbor
knock at the door
so I muted the TV
at the best part of the movie!
fucken neighbor
I didn’t answer
the door
it was another neighbor’s door
anyways

My heartbeat has slowed down now
to an even kilter
interestingly, doc tells me
I have a heart rate of a runner
good thing I run a lot

Now I hear it
it sounds a lot like whispers
only, it isn’t coming from the wind
it is from within
it is so poetic

But I do hear it now
a rather lingering sound
a nagging sense
a trailing thought
but I know not
how to proceed

A monk would know how
they would probably decide
in a moment of silence
but that won’t work for me
this is about listening

to my heart
my soul
to something new
other than me
yet me
beside me
in spite of me

Yes, I am
beginning to hear it now
and now it comes to me
it moves me
it has rhythm
it warms my blood

I am calm
thoughts cooperate
shoulders down
I hear the music
the wind is blowing
and whispers come forth

there is balance
from the top of my head
to the tip of my toes
and yet I feel
a wiggle all over
I am happy now

Yes

I am happy

Now

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