Perspective is everything, and nothing. One day everything makes sense, the next, nothing at all.
Today, however, was a plot twist. I found myself in a state between understanding the meaning of my life, and being confused by it. Yet, I couldn’t put my finger on what I understood, and what confused me.
Being caught in the middle of polar opposites is often referred to as, holding the tension. The tension is created when two sides of an issue are equally convincing. It’s like a tug of war, vanilla ice cream or chocolate? Take a new job, or keep the one you’ve got?
We hold tension between polar opposites on a regular basis, without even realizing it. Other times, we are keenly aware of it. When we are indecisive about something, we might write out a pro’s and cons list to see for ourselves which decision really holds more weight. This approach works for some people. Others seek out a friend or professional advisor.
My guess is, to a certain extent, holding the tension between two decisions can be healthy. Without it, I imagine a world of compulsive people doing whatever they want, without consideration. Too much of it, and I imagine, no, I know first hand, the psyche and body eventually become worn down. It’s like a hung jury; only the jury continues to deliberate, indefinitely.
At this point you might be asking yourself, then what’s limbo? First of all, I’m not altogether sure. Today was the fist time I’ve considered myself to be in a state of limbo. Some characterize limbo as a state of uncertainty, or being in-wait. That’s close, but not quite it. The religious rendition of limbo claims it’s a place where the souls of those not baptized go.
Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines baptism as “an act, experience, or ordeal by which one is purified, sanctified, initiated, or named.” That’s it! I mean, that’s real close to how my day was dressed up as – only the lack of all that. It was as though I was in the middle of polar opposites, of which I had yet to be purified, sanctified, or initiated into; without which, I couldn’t possibly begin to name the opposing forces.
It was similar to being asked to judge a contest for a competition you know nothing about, or comprehend, and have never experienced yourself. You’d be a poor judge, right. Because this is my life, I sit here trying to iron it all out for myself, in front of you all. I want to know what it means to be in a state of limbo, when knowing the details of what’s in front of me, would create a tension that I might be more familiar with.
If you have read this far, perhaps you might be better equipped to understand my life for me than I. Or you couldn’t help but read on to figure out where the hell I’m going with all of this. I have a feeling at least one of you knows exactly what I’m talking about. I’m a little bit clearer- thank you for listening.
Now, onto the important questions: salad, or pizza for dinner? Now that’s the kind of tension and decision-making I’m talking about.