Fallen From Grace

Fallen From Grace

I have this bad habit that would drive anyone crazy. I’m ambidextrous, so when it comes to filing papers, I use my right hand to file, and my left hand to retrieve. Inevitably, I rarely retrieve a piece of paper without having to turn it around to read it. It’s silly how frustrated I can get with myself, knowing this is how I operate. I should know by now, and accept it for what it is – conflicting ways of filing and retrieving.

I also have the same habit when it comes to tolerance and acceptance. I watch someone commit a human infraction, I pull out a fitting judgment, and forget I had filed one of those myself not long ago. But because it went in one way, and pulled out another, I don’t seem to recognize it. It’s psychology 101, classic projection.

I like to refer to the act of judging others, for something I myself am capable of, as falling from grace. Conceivably, it’s avoidable. However, it’s a habit I can’t seem to break; altogether, anyhow.  Unlike my quirky filing system, it’s not something I see myself getting use to or accepting.  It’s messy and leaves me feeling spiritually unorganized.

The solution to humbling myself into seeing projection for what it is, is a lot like the solution to my ass-backward filing system – simply turn it around and look at it right side up. If I spot it, I probably got it. If the arrogant grocery clerk’s behavior were to be looked at from another angle, I might read myself as capable of that arrogance.

Who me? Couldn’t be. Then who? That’s a good question.

The funniest moments with my filing system are when I momentarily forget it was I who had filed something to begin with, and I who now has to finagle with it to read it. I get furious at whoever it was who caused this inconvenience. Who would file that way! and make it difficult for other people to retrieve, and easily read something? Not me. Oh, yes it is. Yes, it was. I do! I’ll tell you what, though – it’s a lot easier to laugh at myself during one of these fleeting filing moments, than to realize I am as capable as the next person of being selfish, dishonest, or god forbid, a snob.

The point of the two-way filing system and two-way judging is the common denominator. Me. Sounds like a grand place to be, like the prize position, The Common Denominator! It isn’t. It’s more like the common thread running through these two-way lanes.

At the end of the day I just do the best I can. I try to avoid head-on traffic, and I use my blinkers instead of making sudden turns. Sometimes, I take the high road, while others take the low – and vice versa. I try to remember we are all hanging onto a thread of grace at times.  If someone falls from grace, I pray I remember where I last filed my allotment, and either share it, or use it to refrain from judging.


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